The Meaning of Marriage book review

Author: Timothy Keller with Kathy Keller

“Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God.”

Naomi’s rating: 8/10

My criteria are: 

Content –  9/10

• Did this book adequately expand on the topic it’s addressing? Did it add depth to the topic? Did it make me think about this topic in a way I hadn’t before? Was it well researched?

Ease of reading – 8/10

• Was it worded in a way that it made the reading enjoyable, or did I have to ‘fight for my food’? Was it written on an average reading level, or did it use unnecessary hard words? 

Can’t put it down – 7/10

• Was it hard for me to put this book down because of how engaging it was? Or did I have to try really hard to finish reading it? 

Highlighting test – 80%

• I can usually tell how much I loved a book by the amount of highlighting and notes I made. This might be the most subjective of all the criteria, but this is be based on how much I highlighted the book and made notes.

Main ideas:

Marriage as an image of Christ’s love for the church 

The main idea of this book is that marriage reflects the gospel. In the sense that just as Jesus gave his life for the church and sacrificed himself for His great love for her, so the husband is to love his wife and give himself sacrificially for her. Keller gets this idea from Ephesians 5:22-33, specifically from verse 32, “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”

Less focus on self, more focused on the other 

Another big idea in the book is that marriage, as God designed it, is not so much about getting ‘more for your buck’ or how it can benefit you, but rather about how it can help both of you become who God designed you to be. 

I believe this is a very transcendental idea in a society that sees marriage as a way to advance socio-economically in all areas. If we are honest with ourselves, we rarely look at a potential partner in terms of how we can add to their lives, but rather how much they will benefit ours. 

What I loved 

• Deep reading. I love it when a book can take me deeper into a topic than I have been before. Especially when it’s one that’s often talked about. I love it when I can get new insights into something, and this book accomplished just that. If you are tired of hearing the same things about marriage, I think you might like this read. 
• Engaging and easy to read. One of the main things I look for in a book is that it hooks me in and keeps me engaged, making me want to come back for more.

What I didn’t love that much 

This is more a matter of personal preference, but I would’ve liked the chapters to be shorter. I personally like finishing a chapter in one sitting, and I found that hard to do with this book. Mainly because the content gets deep in many parts, and one needs time to process it. 

Between the lines 

As I said before, I love it when a book makes me think deeper about a topic I thought I had heard all about. I love it when my mind is expanded, and this book did just that on the subject of marriage. I also love when a book can put into words feelings that I already have. 

I will be a little vulnerable here and say that marriage is a little touchy for me. I feel like the way marriage was portrayed when I was growing up wasn’t always the best. And I still feel like the culture I come from has damaged the Biblical view of marriage in the church. I would love for every Christian man and woman in churches in my home country to read this book. Growing up, and even now, it felt as if every time marriage was discussed, it was all about how the woman had to be submissive to her husband. I never heard a deep dive into what the role of a man was, beyond being the head of the home. There was a lot of emphasis on the man “ruling” the home and on the woman being submissive to the husband in everything. Now I look back and feel sad and sorry for myself, for all the young girls and women in our churches, and even for the men, because we haven’t been fully informed about what this really meant. 

It is so beautiful when you take the plan of God as He designed it, and not how your culture or world paradigm tells you it should be. The leadership that I see in the Bible for a husband is now clearer than ever: a “servant leadership” in which the husband serves, just like Christ did. And when I think of a man leading this way, I cannot think of a woman who would not want to be submissive to this husband. Of course, there are outliers in everything. But I will tell you that I consider myself a very strong-willed and intently independent woman, and I believe I have an innate leadership character. Just to give you an example, I chose Business Management for my college degree. And yet, I have found that I do not find it hard to submit (yes, I used that word to refer to myself) to my husband. Why? Because I can’t help it. Because he loves me intensely, just like Christ loved the church. Because he serves me every day, and I just can’t help but follow that kind of servant leadership. He does not impose on me anything; we work as a team, and I love it, and I will wilfully and lovingly follow that man anywhere. He also wants to see me shine; he wants the best for me, “I’m his princess,” like he says. He is not trying to take my crown down because when I shine, he also does. 

So, yes, I feel so sad that we have not seen that kind of teaching in our part of the Christian world. Or at least not at the time that I was there. 

My favorite quotes

“What, then, is marriage for? It is for helping each other to become our future glory-self, the new creations that God will eventually make us.” (Pg. 131).

“But in the dance of the Trinity, the greatest is the one who is most self-effacing, most sacrificial, most devoted to the good of the Other. Jesus redefined-or, more truly, defined properly-headship and authority, thus taking the toxicity of it away, at least for those who live by this definition rather than by the world’s understanding.” (Pg. 199).

My favorite chapter 

Even though I loved sections in all chapters, Chapter Four was my favorite. The title of this chapter is The Mission of Marriage. I enjoyed this chapter so much because it shows you the eternal purpose of marriage. Marriage ought to prepare us for our final goal, being with God in heaven. 

Should you read it?

By all means! One of the things I liked about this book is that, even though it is about marriage, it is not strictly targeted to, or written for, married people. The concepts are great for non-married people and even those who have decided not to get married. There is even a chapter called “Singleness and Marriage” that I found very insightful. I recommend this book even to those who are just curious about marriage and are not necessarily planning to get married. And even more to those who are married or preparing for it. 

This book is available in Spanish.

Thanks for reading! What do you think? Let me know in the comments below if you have read this book and what you thought about it. Or, if you want to read it now that you’ve read the review!😊