The Hidden Ways We Discourage Language Learners (And How to Stop)

Years ago while I was helping out translating on a mission trip I had an interaction that I will never forget. I was trying to get to know everyone on the trip so I tried to start conversations with everyone. They were all very nice except for one particular person, or so I thought. This guy was very tall, and so in wanting to make some conversation I was trying to ask him how tall he was. I honestly don’t remember how I phrased this question (bare in mind I was still probably in the basic or medium level of English).  I’m guessing I wanted to ask how tall he was in meters. The look on his face was as if I had asked him from what planet he came from. He looked so confused and to me he also looked annoyed that I could not pronounce this word correctly. That was quite discouraging to me as an English learner. I’m sure I was little more quiet that day after that interaction.

Looking back I can think of so many reasons why he gave me that face. He was probably honestly confused, I might’ve butchered those words, and for goodness sake, I was asking how tall he was in meters?! (If you know you know😆). The point is, whatever the reason, I was pretty discouraged as an English learner. This is just one of many discouraging interactions I had while learning a new language. So, I thought I’d share some tips on how to be a polite listener to someone that is trying to learn your language, so that the world can be full of considerate listeners.

A lot of my tips are specific to non-English speakers, especially to Spanish speakers learning and communicating in English because this is my personal experience. But I believe that much of this information could be ported to other foreign interactions.

Before I start, I want to bring to your attention, that despite what you might expect, English is a pretty hard language to learn. This is not just me saying it because I had to do it, but it is widely recognized as one of the hardest languages to learn. I may also point out that most native-English speakers have an active vocabulary (words regularly used) of around 20,000 words, with a passive vocabulary (words understood but not used) of around 40,000 words (Huld). Now compare that to Spanish, where the average native speaker has an active vocabulary of around 5,000 to 10,000 words, and a passive vocabulary size upwards of 20,000 (“How Many Words”). So, just by simple math, you need to learn a lot more words if you want to communicate properly in English. To be clear, this is not a bad thing! I actually like this because it gives me a broader selection of words to choose from to express my thoughts, but I recognize that this presents a challenge for English-learners. 

Here are my 10 insights on how to be a polite listener to a non-native speaker of your language:

Be patient.

This might be the most important of all, and it encompasses pretty much everything that I will say next. Every time you are speaking with a non-native, add extra loads of patience to your conversation.

Don’t make the “I have no idea what you’re saying” face.

There is nothing more discouraging for someone learning a language than when people look at them with the “I have no idea what you’re saying” face. You are probably not trying to be rude and you genuinely don’t understand them, but at least try to do some motion signaling or point at things. Make a genuine effort to understand, rather than acting like they’re crazy or looking annoyed at them. I promise you that they’re most likely making the best effort they can to communicate with you. 

Never point out their accent in a rude way.

One of the most self-conscious parts of learning a language is having an accent and everyone around you knowing right away that you are not native. So, try your best to never point out someone’s accent in a negative way. Yes, it might make it harder for you to understand them, but it is part of the process and it takes years for someone to lose their accent. Or they may never lose it. Even within the U.S. there are many southerners who move North, or vice versa, but everyone knows they are southern when they start speaking because of their accent. Yet no one expects that southern person to start speaking like a native northerner.

Never (ever) compare their accent with someone else’s.

Along with the ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about” face, comparison of accents, or of language level, can be extremely discouraging to a language learner. I can distinctly remember two occasions when someone compared my accent with that of someone else’s. The worse part for me is that they were comparing me to my sibling. So, it not only made me feel self-conscious but it created an unnecessary friction with my sibling. I know they probably didn’t mean to be rude, but it really hurt my confidence in the language. I’ve also heard stories of other learners’ accents being compared to others and it just never leaves a good feeling. There are so many reasons why someone’s accent may sound “better” than someone else’s. Bear in mind that someone might’ve had the opportunity, and real advantage, of studying and living in an English speaking country, for instance, while the other person is making a great effort to learn the language all by themselves in their native country with no native speakers to practice with. That makes a huge difference.

Do tell them that you love their accent!

There are few complements that I remember as much as someone telling me they loved my accent. Not because it inflated my ego, but because I used to be super hyper conscious of my accent, and at times, I still am. So having someone tell me that they loved my accent was such a refreshing and nice thing to hear when I felt like half of the people didn’t understand me because of my accent. So, if you know someone that has an accent and you like it, tell them! (maybe not to me now because I’d know you read this 😆😉). 

Correct them (if they’ve given you permission) but don’t over do it!

During my first few years of college here in the U.S., I told my friends to please correct my English when they noticed the errors because I really wanted to learn the language as quickly and as well as I could. I was also taking all of my classes in English, so I really needed to learn quickly. I knew enough to communicate but I knew it wasn’t perfect and I could use a lot of improvement. This was great at first, but then over the years when I gained confidence I didn’t think I needed as much correction but I would still receive a lot of it from certain friends. The mistakes were more common mistakes that even English natives would do when speaking in a hurry. So, do correct your non-native friends if they allow you to, but don’t get carried away. Which brings me to the next insight…

Don’t patronize them.

This one is a little harder to distinguish, but it certainly happens. I have seen and experienced it myself many times. To help me make the point, I will quote Sofia Vergara in an episode from Modern Family, “do you know how smart I am in Spanish?” Of course we shouldn’t patronize anyone, but it might be tempting to think that someone is not very smart just because they cannot engage in a fluent conversation with you. Please remember that these people can probably speak faster than you can in their own language (for sure if they’re mother tongue is Spanish) and they may be trying to find the right word in English. When someone speaks a second language that means they have memorized at the minimum two words for every single word they say. I used to minimize the significance of me knowing two languages, but when I think of this it makes me feel so proud! Hopefully this helps to put things into perspective.

Teach them new words.

This one might not apply to everyone, but I LOVE learning new words! This is one of the reasons I love reading. I love learning new ways to express my thoughts. So, I always welcome English speakers teaching me new words. I may ask you what something means, how and when to use it and perhaps even the cultural or historical context if you’re very generous. I can assure you that most people learning a new language are also eager to learn new words as long as you teach it in a nice way and not overbearing. So maybe next time you see me teach me a word you think I might not know!

Praise their improvement.

I want to be fair and say that the same friends that would correct me so often once mentioned how much improvement they saw in my English, and to this day I still remember that complement more than any other. Learning a language is hard and it’s even harder to see for yourself how much progress you’ve made. So, please let your non-native speaker friend, coworker, spouse, etc. know how much progress you see in them. 

Don’t ask how many languages they speak and then act unimpressed if they “only” speak two.

I have to admit this is one that really gets to me every time. I strongly dislike whenever someone asks how many languages I speak and then gives me an unimpressed face whenever I say “just” Spanish and English. I almost want to say, well how many do YOU speak? But that wouldn’t be nice!😂 What I mean is, don’t ever take someone knowing another language so lightly. It takes years of learning, practicing, embarrassment, and eating a whole lot of humble pie to learn a language. This does not mean that those who know multiple languages are better than anyone else, but it does mean that they’ve put in effort that others, maybe luckily, didn’t have to because they were born in the right place, or just simply didn’t want to do. And that is OK, but let’s not minimize the great achievement that it is for someone to speak a language other than the one they were given at birth. 

(BTW I do want to learn another language, but my theory is that I need to move to that country to really be immersed into it,  so until then, I think I’ll just stick with two lol.)

I hope these insights are helpful for those interacting with people learning their native language. None of these were meant to discourage you from trying to speak with them, but on the contrary, I hope they aid you as you do speak with them. I have been blessed with so many kind, patient and respectful people who were so understanding with me as I started to learn English. For every rude person I met there were ten nice people and that made it all worth it! Your kindness and curiosity can be the reason someone learning your language doesn’t give up. And if you are the one learning a new language, I encourage you to keep working on it. Don’t be afraid to mess up and be patient with yourself. That “I have no idea what you are saying face”, even though it might seem rude, more than likely means they want to understand what you are saying but it’s frustrating not being able to. 

Learning a new language opens more doors and broadens our horizons in ways that are hard to quantify, so if you’re a listener, do your best to be a great listener. And if you are a language learner, no matter where you are in the journey, keep working on it, before you know it you will be amazed at how far you’ve come!

Thank you so much for reading! Let me know in the comments below your funniest memory about learning a new language!

¡Hasta luego! 

Works Cited

Huld, Nickee Leon. “How Many Words Does the Average Person Know?” WordCounter,
  https://wordcounter.io/blog/how-many-words-does-the-average-person-know.
  Accessed 19 Apr. 2026.

“How Many Words Are There in the Spanish Language?” Lingvist,
  https://lingvist.com/blog/how-many-words-are-there-in-the-spanish-language/.
  Accessed 19 Apr. 2026.

Photo by Sander Sammy on Unsplash